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[24 Apr 2009|10:49pm] |
Another day, another diaper. I don't know how children can be just as cruel and biting as their parents are. I swear, my child will not cry nearly that much. Also, I think I've seen my sister's breasts enough to last me a life-time.
I have never been so happy to get home, where everything is blissfully baby-vomit free.
( Ernie )
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[06 Apr 2009|11:13pm] |
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Well, as much as I appreciate the day off from work, (yes I have returned from work, I started on Thursday, and I am doing just fine, thank you), I really wish I hadn't had to discover this after venturing outside to go to work. A toad landed on my head, and an owl attacked me. I have a very nasty cut on my cheek and my arms are a bloody mess. Literally. I don't know if I should bother going to St. Mungo's or not, because I think I might end up losing more blood if I tried.
George
I'm so sorry it's taken so long to get around to hosting that little get-together for the girls. Life has been .. hectic. Please forgive me, and I promise to do better. What dates are good for you?
Ernie
Are you all right? Have you had any troubles with the birds? Do you think, maybe, it could have something to do with the Ministry? Why am I encouraging you I mean, if they wanted an excuse to have everyone out of the Ministry building for a day, riling up a bunch of owls would do the trick. Just a thought.
I miss you.
end private
Also, I cannot stop humming. There's been a song stuck in my head since Wednesday.
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[26 Mar 2009|09:22pm] |
private
Offer? What sort of offer? What would she be offering him? Why -- what - he's doing this on purpose. He wants me to know he's got better things lined up, and I've got ... a cat proposition. He's torturing me.
Why do I have to love him?
Blonde.
Can anyone recommend a good salon? I'm not so sure about "Hair Today" anymore.
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[24 Mar 2009|09:30pm] |
( hexed private )
private to ernie
Please. I'm sorry. Don't stay away forever
Spring is here. One week to April. Where is that lamb? It's brutally cold.
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[22 Mar 2009|11:01am] |
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A half eaten child! Who eats children? What is the world coming to?
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[07 Mar 2009|08:26am] |
Ha. Ha. Ha! Guess who was out on call when the Ministry got locked down! One, Pansy Parkinson Macmillan! I was all the way in York, removing the memories from a ten year old who saw his brother turn the neighborhood bully into a bicycle. And also, the bicycle had to have its memories modified.
Ernie
Unfortunately/fortunately?, Prudence is about to give birth to yet another child. For some reason, she, and Mum, want me to come hold her hand, so I will be gone for a couple days. When I get back, it'll be close to the 15th, you know ...
Anyway. I'll miss you. Don't sleep with anyone else that you've been locked-down with Love you.
/
All of you dogs better keep your paws to yourself, if you want to keep them.
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[24 Feb 2009|09:48am] |
So, whatever the papers say, I completely disagree -- that bint Chastity Caldwell is just jealous that Arnie never bothered with her.
private
Went to the healer, whatshisname, Pye. I wonder if he enjoys sticking his finger in random women all the time. He had a sick little smile on his face when he was done -- I'm going to find out if he's one of those pervert doctors and then sue him.
But, good news. I'm relatively healthy. I've stopped taking the potion, and apparently, there's supposed to be some sort of horomone/emotional irritab☁☁
FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE FUCKING QUILLS?
FUCK. ERNIE. DO NOT BUY THESE SHITTY QUILLS AGAIN.
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[17 Feb 2009|10:58am] |
privateOkay. New plan. (The whole watching bints to see if they're drinking didn't work because a) I was drinking and b) it took too much effort.)
Give him sex all the time. All the time. In bed, in the shower, at the office, on the way to the office, during his lunch break, when he's in a meeting, when he's with his parents. All the time. If he is so satiated that he barely wants to have sex with me, then he won't want to have sex with anyone else.
I slipped one of those Carnal Caramels into his tea this morning. We were two hours late to the office. Right there in the kitchen. I have a burn on my bum from the stove, and I will never look at that spatula the same ever again.
Last night, just as he was falling asleep, I just ...
It's so simple. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. Granted, I still have cream rinse in my hair from last night because I just. haven't. had. the time. My thighs are covered in bruises, and it's really uncomfortable to sit down, but these are the things you have to do to keep your husband in your bed.
The good news is, when I get to sleep, I sleep like a baby. And my thighs (bruising aside) are starting to look pretty trim.
end private
I am exhausted, but blissfully happy. But mostly exhausted
Tracey dear, we must have drinks. Romilda, die in a fire I look forward to seeing you, too.
In fact, ladies, I'm going to be holding a little get-together for all of my closest friends in a week or so. I've got something to show you that you are going to be ridiculously excited about.
George Gideon
Thank. You.
Also, can the candies be safely melted and put into cakes, cookies, brownies, on toast or whatever? Because I've already done it to Ernie
Ernie
I hope this is working and you are too knackered to even work I hope you don't have plans for lunch, husband, because I've got something for you to eat.
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[11 Feb 2009|11:35pm] |
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Wherever you are, I will find you.
private
FUCK. I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT ALL ALONG AND EVERYONE SAID I WAS INSANE FOR LOVING HIM.
Fuck. My mother was right. My sister was right. Everyone was right. Fuck fuck fuck.
What am I going to do with all these damned Quibblers?
private to Ernie
Don't.
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[03 Feb 2009|10:42am] |
Christ, what a week.
PrivateOkay, so, drinking + Ernie + more drinking = a lovely night in bed, which you cannot remember. And apparently, he didn't bother to read the book you bought him. And apparently, Luna Lovegood cannot be trusted to recommend books, because a) she'll look at you like you're a moron for not knowing whether your husband already owns said book, and b) he probably already does, and isn't interested in it anymore, just like he's not interested in you anymore. Not that I'd really trust Luna Lovegood with anything anyway. Bint's probably slipping coded sweetheart messages in the Quibbler for Ernie to gush over, decoding them, and then swooning at the idea that she wants his nargle in her snorkack desperately, and they meet and good LORD I have to get that image out of my head of my husband giving it to Loony.
I hate them both.
AND. AND. IT GETS WORSE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I heard from that idiot woman in accounts receivable that she heard from her husband's brother's co-worker that my, I repeat, my husband was spotted having drinks with some other idiot woman. I think it was that git of a girl who thinks she's simply dying all the time, regardless of whether she has proper reasons for it. SO, not only is my husband receiving messages from an idiot with a newspaper, he's also getting smashed alongside an cow with mental issues.
I continue to hate them all.
Maybe I should put coded messages in his eggs. "I am your wife. I know where you sleep." Or maybe "Don't dick around or you'll loose it." or "If you ever really leave me, I'll be devastated and kill myself." A little much? I think a simple "I love you" would probably make him laugh.
/private
So, obliviating an entire street of Londoners is a pain in the arse, and whomever thought it was oh-so-bloody-clever to stage a riot/coup/protest/obnoxious mess in front of the Ministry building where muggles passing by just loved to hear about what the Ministry of MAGIC was doing to MANTICORES, I'll find you.
private to ErnieI haven't seen you in a couple days. Where have you been? I've missed you
private, againDoes that sound desperate?
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[24 Jan 2009|02:41pm] |
My god. A manticore? He was daft when we were in school, and now, in his old age, he's absolutely bonkers. I'm surprised the old bugger is still alive after so many years with his ridiculous "pets."
Ernie. We need milk. Can you manage it?
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